I Wish i could have emotions at home instead everyone elses take president my stress and pain does not matter nor do my thoughts or wants and my emotional needs rarely get addressed i am just a robot daughter or at least thats how i feel just a trophy to show off for her good grades and everything i do to try and again there approval
I am so scared for my life but not in fear of a illness or another person hurting me but I am afraid of my self I have been to stressed lately over nothing and I just keep fucking everything up I try and I have people expecting so much from me that I can’t give not at the moment not in this condition I have been so tired for the past week but when it come to sleeping I just can’t my brain will not shut up and today on the way to work I almost drove off the road i was tired and thinking about what would happen if I just decided to give up and not try to survive when if I forgot to go around the curve and ran in to the telephone pole at 60+ mph and I started going off the road towards it …… I do not wanna die I would hate to cause everyone that much pain but I am tired of livening with this pain as well I am scared I want to stay here for him but I want to be happy for life to be something I can enjoy not something that becomes harder day by day
I failed again I started craving my razor I tried to distract myself then I started shaking and getting nauseous so I went in there to my bf and cuddled up to him started crying and said hold me just hold me but when he started waking up he sounded so tired so very tired I just could not wake him with it so I only had one other choice cause I am not strong enough on my own and I know he will be mad but I needed something and I am not even sure he could have helped tonight it rarely gets that bad …. I wish I had never failed in November ever since it has been so hard even worst than the first time i tried to quit will this ever end will I ever be okay ?
My chest hurts so bad I feel like there is a cinder block or two sitting on it I can’t stop crying and I keep thinking about all the shit I have messed up on lately which makes every thing worst but my boyfriend is in the next room sleeping quietly and I want more than anything to go in there and let it all out cry and rant and get everything I hate about my self out and then have him hold me till I fall asleep but he was so tired I just cant bother him he needs his sleep also my parents would kill me if they found us snuggled up together which sucks I am fucking 19 and can sleep in the same bed as him so instead of having help fighting like he always says he will do I could not bare to bother him to ask so I will once again fight on my own and it hurts so bad tonight…..
I reblog this image about once a month even as my own image, as if it just makes one person think twice……
Just never do it - It’s ruins everything and you can’t just stop like you would think. It’s an addiction that you won’t ever really get over. It’s will be with you for life. You might end up stopping but it will always be on your mind next time things turn bad or go wrong.
JUST PLEASE THINK FIRST.
Well my finals start today….. i have a feeling this is not going to end well my depression is acting up again my mom is on my ass my two hardest finals are today and tomorrow so i have very little time to study and what time i do have leaves me with very little sleep so yea all this together will not be a good combination